Pregnancy is hard shit.

Pregnancy is definitely harder then I thought. I throw up every day. I’m standing for long hours at work. So while at work my belly is stretching and it’s a painful process of getting bigger. Rawr… I could take walks and sleep and if be a happy camper.

I got the flu a few days back and I lost weight. So I’m trying so hard to eat. But I’m not a big fan of eating in the first place. I don’t know why. I should talk to my therapist about it being hard to eat unless I smoke weed. It’s difficult. I just never thought pregnancy would be like this. So unpleasant.

People says it’s such a beautiful thing. But I have to say I never want to do this again.

Pregnancy and Depression

My mental health right now isn’t the best. I’m pregnant thus my body is getting so large. I honestly don’t think I enjoy being pregnant. I hope that not just me. I have a poor self image at the moment. I think of myself as ugly. Which I’m attempting to work on. Now each time I see myself in the mirror, I simply say “you’re beautiful. ” Being pregnant makes me feel embarrassed. I wish I felt happy rather than feeling nothing. But I’m having dabbles of depression. It’s so hard… Balancing feeling depression or numbness. The inability of feeling any emotion. 

It’s hard to get outta bed. Hmm…. Any suggestions? I see a therapist. I’m on medication. 🙂 Any tips from Mindfulness, cbt, dbt all so helpful.

Coming off my Antidepressants…

It’s been super tough this passed week. I keep on having these crying spells. Ive cryed at work because I messed up on something. I’ve become upset at home because I was being told what to do with the stimulus check I just received. Instead of being able to rationally handel these situations I end up in a bucket full of tears. In each situation I’ve been blessed enough I’ve only been met with understanding and care from co-workers and family members. Unfortunately, in the the moment my mind goes to the harshest realizations I can think of. To me it is a harsh reality… A fact. An end all thing.

Coming off Effexor…. Feb. 4th

I’m down to 37.5 MG of effexor. I have approximately one day left until I’m off the medication completely. I’ve been experiencing this zap-like feeling in my brain which is normal. Just a tad annoying. Emotionally today I had one break down. Sadly it was at work. I messed up and then j started crying and couldn’t stop. I experienced a little anxiety attack but because I knew what was happening I was able to calm myself and move on. But the uncontrollable crying for such a little thing has me worried. I understand the cause could be my pregnancy and coming off the medication. But honestly it sucks to feel weak in this way. I’ll just keep on working at it and try to not let the little things get to me so much. I’ve been doing so well. I don’t like not being able to control my emotions. I’ve also been experiencing a little bit of irritability. Which has caused tension. Last thing, It makes me scared that I’m getting irritable because then I’m a little mean and lash out. By doing so I frustrate my mother. I just hate the feeling that if I lash out there is a possibility my mom would tell me I need to find a new place to live. My parents are amazing. But they can be wishy-washy. One day I’m cool being here the next week it’s a whole new situation and I need to find a better place to live. Due to being pregnant I’d hope this won’t occur. But it’s something that’s occurred in the past. One day they are loving and so helpful. The next they are telling me the complete opposite. It’s just hard. I try to tell myself they are only human. 

Pregnancy and coming off my Antidepressants Effexor

I’ve been taking 375mg of effexor for quite a few years. But because effexor causes deformitys in babies Ive been advised I must come off the medication. I’ve been working with my psychiatrist to come off. I was taking 75mg last week and I was fine. But I moved down to two dosages of 37.5 MG twice a day and it’s kicking my butt. I’m getting depressed and I almost started crying at work yesterday. This is very difficult. Not to mention I’ve stopped vaping weed, stopped energy shots and limited my caffeine usage. Every crutch I have is being taken away. Im struggling and not to mention having a belly that is constantly stretching and throwing up once a day doesn’t nessarily help. I never thought being pregnant would be so difficult and exhausting.

Has anyone else out there had to come off their antidepressants due to pregnancy?? How did you cope??? I’m trying so hard. But I’m so afraid. I struggle with so many disorders and depression has been one of the leading ones.

Any advise would be loved.