Dealing with money is a challenge for me when coping with my Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I find myself sitting down with my father making a list of needs, wants and must haves. I get flustered thinking about money. I hate dealing with it. My mother was the type to run up a credit card and then tell my dad about it. My mother made me shop cheap. This made me feel I wasn’t deserving enough to have my needs be fully met. I seem to always sacrifice what I had for someone else to be truly happy. When it came time for me to manage my own money I happily help others to a point of not having enough for myself or I’ll dissociate because the money makes me feel so uncomfortable. My parents are baffled that I can’t be like my sister and maintain rent, a car and life. I’m trying I really am. It can be super tough. Anyone out there experience similar issues with money. Any tips or tricks would be helpful.
I struggle with self care daily. It’s hard for many, me included to understand why self care feels so hard to accomplish. I must write out checklist stating “brush teeth, take a shower and clean room. But if we take a look at this situation as being a neurobiological issue in the frontal lobes it may make better sense. I was reading Deborah Serani Psy.D. Why Self-Care is Hard for Depressed Individuals. Understanding how frontal lobe dysfunction impairs self-care.
“Looking after yourself, or self-care, is vital to physical, emotional and mental well-being. Self-care is best defined as the ability to take proper care of your daily living needs, like eating, sleeping, grooming. In short, self-care is care provided for you, by you. But when you live with depression, self-care can sometimes feel unattainable. You’re tired, listless, with feelings of despair and corrosive thoughts that push and shove in an endless tug-of-war within you. Often, depression leaves you feeling like your physical and emotional reactivity has been siphoned off, draining you of the ability to look after yourself.
Research says there’s a neurobiological reason for this—and it has to do with the brain structure known as the frontal lobes. This area is responsible for executive functioning—a set of skills that involves problem solving, judgment and reasoning, just to name a few. Depression has long been associated with dysfunction of the frontal lobes, so it’s not a surprise that people with depression find it hard to self-care.
Symptoms of Dysfunction in Frontal Lobes
Adults who are depressed frequently have trouble doing many of the following things listed below, all of which are executive functioning skills. It’s important that depressed people realize, as well as family and friends of loved ones who are depressed, that having trouble with self-care is not due to laziness, or not trying hard enough or from weakness. The issue here is significant brain dysfunction that impairs self-care success. When dysfunction occurs in the frontal lobes, these skills become impaired:Attention
Planning and prioritizing
It’s important that we make a self care List . Start off small. Depression can be hard to overcome at first. It’s all about taking baby steps. Make a goal to get out of bed. Next, aim to take a shower and putting on your clothes for the day. By reaching these smaller goals we may break away from the grasp of our depression. Our objective is to reach a more active state. Another activity we could try is making a cup of coffee for yourself. Think of these tasks as a link in a chain. Keep following along only one step at a time. Adding bigger goals as you reach the smaller ones. This will help you to heal. As the Depression lifts, you’ll be able to do more activities like exercise, school or work.
Be sure to feed your five senses when you live with a chronic illness. Depression is a state of utter depletion. Recovery happens sooner when you take the time to see, feel, hear, taste and touch. Listen to some music that makes you want to dance. Walk barefooted in the grass. Get a hug from someone you love. Breath in the fresh air outside on a sunny day. Find an activity that soothes you. By doing these things you’re boosting your frontal lobe functioning.
Once your depression has lessened keeping a routine and being mindful will allow you to stick with self care checklist.
I’ve found that since I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, I have angry outburst. It’s like I’m a pot of tea steaming almost completely done and you can’t tell when the kettle is going to screech at you. That how I feel about my anger. Ever since I was diagnosed with PTSD my ager has been explosive. I’m embarrassed to even talk about it. Once I was working at a gas station and one of our regular lady’s came in and started telling me how I need to go check out these two suspicious looking guys. It irritated me because she stereotypes people. Constantly making judgmental comments about people she never met. Thus I had enough. When she came in the next day she started at it once again. Something blew and all the sudden I’m yelling at this customer. Oh she asked for my manager right away. Haha. He slapped my rist and said not to do it again. But moral of this story is I missed my red flags or warning signs that I was angry. I was unaware I could react in this way. I have never before, been capable of feeling this much anger and other negative emotions. The happiness feeling is hardly ever around. I have to force myself to be positive. I try to happily look for activities that boost my happiness meter.
If your not safe you can not start the healing process. healing process.healing process.
I spent hours upon hours at my work. Work was a place I was safe. It wasn’t my house where Sean could find me. I was asked to pick up a graveyard shift. So I hesitantly said sure. That evening Sean showed up, ranting about how I left the door unlocked thus allowing his son to get inside and dump gasoline at my feet as well as in my sisters face all leading to my parents house being burnt down. It wasn’t just me that he followed. David had a way of finding my nephew, at a his private Christian school or my Dad groceries shopping at Winco at two am. Each incident frightening we were like sitting ducks waiting for him to snap. I’d call him a peice of work. The night Sean stalked me at work I had to call the cops three or four times. When I insisted that the cops make contact with this him. The too cops didn’t seem too thrilled with me. Once the cops made contact they realized quickly understood. Both cops came back with shocked looks on their faces and stated “That guy is dellional”. I smiled and nodded. I highly dought his threats of killing one of us where too far from his insane capabilities.
I’d like to focus on daily acts of kindness and gratitude. Let’s look at the positive aspects of doing three kind gestures a day as well as listed three things you’re thankful for.(keep in mind three is just a goal) These two activities have a good chance of raising your mood level. Having PTSD can make it hard to feel happiness. For me, my mood lifts when I do something nice for someone else and when I’m finding myself being grateful. Kindness is one activity I can enjoy doing while feeling that happiness factor. In an article from Psychology Today Lisa Ferentz, Healing Trauma’s Wounds: Random Acts of Kindness explains “it’s something we should stay mindful of and put into practice every day of the year. Gestures of kindness that are spontaneous and unsolicited really come from the heart and feel authentic to both the giver and the receiver. It’s hard to describe the satisfaction you feel when you commit to an act of kindness with an open heart and no agenda. The ripple effect of kindness is profound. We all can make a real difference in the world when we treat one another with respect. It deepens a sense of connection and gratitude, and strengthens the notion that there is genuine goodness in the world.”
As a person with PTSD at times we may loss sight that the world is a good place. Thus doing these two activities can help you tremendously.
In an article from psychology today.
“One of the core principles of positive psychology is generating positive emotion by deploying strengths. If people feel grateful, they act kindly. They learn to understand that others have struggles and challenges and appreciate their own blessings – sharing kindness. The neuroscience and social science research is clear: kindness changes the brain by the experience of kindness. People do not learn kindness by only thinking about it and talking about it. Kindness best learned by feeling it so that they can reproduce it.“ An odd fact is. “A theory or “reciprocal altruism” suggests that kind acts are most often directed toward individuals who are likely to repay us in the future (Trivers, 1971). … Evolutionary psychologist.”
Let’s get out there and do three nice things today. Then write down three things you’re thankful for today.
“I am an extremely complex, multifaceted person. As such, my Self can be neither defined nor evaluated by any one trait or action, one success or failure, or another person’s likes or dislikes.
• I am a process. This means that every day I am always changing – adding actions, performances, and qualities, while losing or eliminating others. To stop myself in time, say today, and judge myself as all good or bad, now and forever, makes no sense because I will be different tomorrow.
• As with all humans, I will perform well sometimes and poorly at others. I have succeeded at many things, but on occasion have failed at others, like everybody else. Further, I also am a mixture of both good and bad traits. So, I am all of these positives and negatives, not just all good or all bad.
1.How do you see yourself?
2. Would anyone use this as affirmations?
3. What can I do today to show myself some love and compassion?
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Me: You don’t happen to know anything about codependency do you? I’m struggling with it (that’s what people say.) I’ve been reading up on codependency and my main symptom isn’t talked about. I get this obsessiveness feeling. Next, I’ll feel kinda abandoned. I’m unsure how to heal.
I’m kinda a jumble in my head. I’ll sadly admit I have obsessively texted my boyfriend. I don’t go over the boundaries with anyone else. Why must I with my boyfriend? At times it feels as if I can not stop. I’m diagnosed with Sever Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar2, PTSD and Codependency. It’s becoming a real issue in my relationship. Please any helpful advise would be great.