depression, PTSD, Panic Attack's

Adhd much…. Haha

II do stupid things. Things that seem illogical to the everyday person. At time’s my mind can see from one perception. We all learn things from a young age. But what if you never attempted to understand. Or a taboo thing in everyone else eyes doesn’t appear that way in your eyes. You don’t know of any other way to get your needs met.I don’t talk directly about my issue because I understand I will be judged. It’s

It’s two am… Outside walking through across walk into a dark whole full of bounce bunny’s hopping about. The pitch blackness which makes it harder to write and walk at the same time.

My job let me go with the holiday help. My body isn’t moving. My anxiety is here and in full swing. Breathing in and out completely has been hard.

But there is hope. I can possible land a 30 hour a week job. I’m being chill and understanding for the most part. My manager told me I was laid off by xing out everyday I work. I’m just a silly girl. When I say “silly” it’s a nice way of telling myself or others that the situation or person is appearing to be extremely stupid.

Im not coping well today. The anxious feelings are constant. All I want is a moment to feel happy. So I artificially induce it with marijuana.

Life isn’t bad. I’ve gone through worse. The looming feeling of being utterly shocked so ….I felt the same feeling the night of trauma. Honestly it’s not an emotion I’m not fond of. It’s a constant feeling of numbing an event out. Body part aren’t functioning well. I’m in shut down mode. But don’t worry I’m only resting. 🙂 not Defeated.

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6 thoughts on “Adhd much…. Haha

  1. Sorry your so activated, it is not easy and anyone who has not experienced the terror of PTSD would not understand.

    It’s hard to battle PTSD when it explodes without preparation when things are calmer.

    A mindfulness practice, developing a strong controlled focus on the breath can influence our nervous system and dissipate the cortisol and adrenaline.

    With practice you can start to dissipate that anxiety, let that fear be felt then released.

    You have the courage and attitude of not being defeated in the midst of this

    You just need a few tools and practice to improve

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I was triggered yesterday

    My PTSD has evolved since I was symptom free for four years

    Now my flight or fight does not fire but my body does not like certain stimuli

    My body and amygdala senses shame, unworthiness at mundane times around people

    I can not stop ptsd from firing but I can let the judgments and thoughts release

    We are so critical of ourselves because of this trauma, and judge us unworthy time after time

    It is not true but we have more work to do

    If we want our freedom

    Ptsd is like an invisible prison when it activates

    We can become more isolated more anxious and more fearful

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It can be hard. I have also suffered from poor mental health, and it can be so difficult to deal with some days. I did recently get on medication, and that helped a lot! I agree with Marty to continue mindfulness exercises and breathing techniques. It can be really helpful when dealing with anxiety. I have a family member that tries to treat her bipolar/ptsd with marijuana. She claims it makes her feel better, but from an outside perspective looking in, it’s not actually treating her or helping her to get better =( . She still has her manic highs and depressive lows, and she’ll randomly lash out at anyone… Not saying you’re this way, but my point is, Marijuana might make you temporarily feel better, but it may not be a completely suitable treatment. I hope you can find peace and happiness in your situation. You deserve to have it.

    Liked by 3 people

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